woo.

18.

A big mile stone? All new responsibilities, new experiences and a time to just kick back and have fun, right? Dont get me wrong, turning 18 was pretty bad ass, i felt as if everywhere i turned everyone HAD to know, AND respect me; just because LEGALLY i’m an adult, one again right? Not only have i NOT felt like an adult, nor any older; i absolutely hate all these feelings that come along with growing up. To tell you the complete and HONEST truth, i feel like i have over a thousand pounds of weight on my shoulder, or back, or all over my freaking body. Everything just sucks, i mean yeah the first few days were awesome. Everyone treated me fairly nice, and i thought just maybe a could get used to that. Then week one hit me. It wasnt too bad. Then my parents didnt give me ANY slack on anything. I thought once i turned 18 i could just stroll up where ever the fuck i felt like it. NOPE. I still have a certain time to be home, the most fun i have had was the day OF and AFTER my birthday. After that i have felt like shit. I have so many emotions that i have no clue what to do with. I feel like i had so much planned, and now i’m completely changing my mind on EVERYTHING. I wish people would treat me like an adult, something i thought i was?  But instead i’m being treated like a child. I really just hate everything right now, and i want to throw tables and crazy shit. I guess i’m just overly stressed cause’ i have so much going on, But 18 is NOTHING like i expected.

If you have ever had anyone ever ask you to take a walk in their shoes, you wouldnt really understand unless you live a day in the life of them.

I know it may sound stupid or whatever but i completly understand,

not to a full extent but i understand more than an average 17 year should.

And having this much responsibility thrown at you at an incredibly young age is a lot to handle, well for me anyways.

I have judged so many people for doing only the best they can, and i am wrong for doing so, living in the real world is scary. Like no joke, it’s terrifying but it’ll definitely make you grow up a shit ton. I’ll be an adult soon and its exactly what i need. Just to take a walk in someones shoes, or a look through there eyes.

Because this is tough, living for someone, breathing for someone else, and providing for more than just yourself. It makes me think about some of the mistakes i’ve been making recently, and they wont be happening anymore

i promised myself i’d never let it come down to this,

i’m going to fight for this, for you, for us,

because its all that i can, and want to do right now.

i’m not going to let myself just watch you leave this time.

i fucking hate my life.

so i guess you could say that nothing has changed.

how come i’m always the one disappointed? 

you tell me i have so much hate in me.

oh gee! where do you fucking think i got it?

thanks for being a piece of shit dad.

you also say that you hope i like being alone;

but please tell what i’ve been for the past fucking 17 years?

well tell me how you feel when you grow old and none of your kids want nothing to fucking do with you.

take all your ”thoughtful” words and shove them up your ass,

i’ve been just fine without you, what makes you think i’d need you now?

maybe you’ll regret the way you raised me when no one visits you in the retirement home, because i sure as hell wont take care of you when you cant take care of yourself, because you did such a shitty job at it for me

you are the biggest fucking let down known to man kind.

and then you wonder why i’m always so pissed at you?

put yourself in my shoes and do nothing but wait on you 24/7 and then you might just understand.

i really need to stop staring out of my window.

he’s definitely not coming.

this is not fair, everyone always dumps everything on ME.

and i cant do my own thing because people are too worried about themselves and what they want.

i wanna kill people right now.